“Tomorrow night I’m giving a lecture on silence and invisibility. Don’t be surprised if I don’t show up.
”

“I hear what you say in what you don’t say, you see, because I’m a Helen Keller kind of communicator. Love is just as visible as invisible.”

“Don’t raise your hand to ask a question, or I’ll give you a surprise high five.”

“Don’t show me how I messed up, because I don’t need to be shown. Clearly if I’ve messed up once, I can do it again without any coaching from you.”

“I’m a one-man show. I need to start a band. You wanna join? Too bad! What about one-man band don’t you understand?”

“I’m glad I don’t have any foreskin, because at a nude beach I’d feel overdressed. (It’d be the only time I could feel overdressed by showing too much skin).”

“I would offer to meet up for some coffee, but I don’t drink coffee. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to burden you with my personal problems. It’s just that I haven’t been the same since the Folgers fiasco of ‘04.”