“Too many men have died in the name of old age. I know, because my grandmother was one of them.”

“I have pride in my name, because I have pride in myself. I do not represent my name—my name represents me.”

“My heart beats to the rhythm of the windshield wipers. I’d better never drive in the desert, unless I want to die. Our relationship has one too many cactuses in it to be deserving of my love.”

“Three Guys and a Goat is not a good name for a bed and breakfast. I know, because my two partners overruled my name suggestion.”

“I may give up on life one day, but that doesn’t mean my clones will just roll over and die. There are just too many people who need my help, people willing to pay for my services.”

“I’m going to name my firstborn son 0123456789, because I want him to learn to count before he learns the alphabet. And my second son I’ll call 01, because I want him to get into computers at a young age.”

“Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.”