“Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mouth and then rinsing out with cold, refreshing reality. But don’t take my word for it, because I’m not a dentist.”

“I just got around to brushing my teeth today, and now my asshole smells minty fresh.”

“I’ll wait until your mouth is full of food before I ask you a question. I’m like a dentist.”

“I take my investment advice from my dentist, because he’s just as likely to lose me money as a financial advisor.”

“I’ll drink out of your bra, because I’m thirsty for your love.”

“My mouth is often wounded by my sharp words, so sometimes when I’m out in public, I’ll wear a large Band Aid over my lips.”

“Mouths are longer than they are wide, to ensure words don’t come out sideways. Even the word “sideways” comes out straight.”