“Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise.”

“When two are united as one, I’ll be there. And so will someone else.”

“Thirteen of us ate supper, and then one of us died. Unfortunately, he did not rise from the dead to pay his dinner bill. And he wasn’t the only one to skip out without paying, but surely one of the eleven graciously paid for me.”

“To become one who believes two become one, you need love in your life.”

“I am upset. I have reservations about dinner for two at 8:00. I have reservations about my reservations.”

“Two guys, a man and a beast, were walking underwater, when two goats began fishing for political votes. That’s when I fell in love, when I saw how serious it all was.”

“A vibrating toothbrush is one hygienic marvel of a sex toy. The next time I want to make love, I’ll make a dentist appointment.”