“Two hearts that beat as one, and they’re both mine. I’ve got them hooked up to a synchometer.”

“Mustaches are so cool that I not only have one—I have two. I wear both of mine above my eyes.”

“Two one-armed people might seem perfect for each other, but what if they’re both missing the same arm? Then even something simple like holding hands while walking becomes a case of they’re too similar to see themselves really going anywhere as a couple.
”

“I’ve got nothing, but at least I’ve got nothing to lose.”

“You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to beat me to my rooster costume.”

“A brick could be used to divide two people, and then conquer both of them.
”

“If girlfriends were knees, I'd love to have both of mine replaced. That way, it'd be easier to run around on them.”