“We agreed to meet at 4. I meant AM and she meant PM, so we both just stood around thinking we’d been stood up.”

“Like a 9-5 business at 4:59 pm, her legs were open.”

“Life seems so am/pm. But really it’s not as balanced as all that.”

“I listen to AM radio in the AM, and AM radio for an AM audience in my PM (though it comes from the other side of the world). It’s all morning all the time for me. Sometimes I even listen to FM in the AM, but never FM and AM in the AM or PM.”

“It’s now 4:17 am, and I just got done dealing with Mrs. Indianapolis, of Indiana. She’s a regular here, and she accompanies her husband on all his business meetings. When I say business meetings, I mean of course rounds of golf played at the prestigious TPC at Sawgrass. I feel bad for the guy. Life for a multi millionaire must be hard.”

“He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.”

“It’s 3:32, and I need just one more ingredient to finish baking 3:33. Would you prefer the AM or the PM piece?”