“We shouldn’t eat raw food. In fact, we probably shouldn’t even be listening to the radio. Too much nudity soaking in through our ears.”

“There’s too much nudity on TV, and not enough on the radio.”

“The reason we talk with the same part of the body we eat with is because if we tried to eat with our ears, and I have tried, then we would naturally have to have tongues in our ears. And most people, myself excluded, hate having tongues in their ears.”

“His last name was Worthless. Or was that just the perfect word to describe him? Shouldn’t our names summarize who we are? If so, I want to be called Al Auttalovetogive.”

“Too much nudity is a turn off. Especially if all that flesh is on one person.”

“Flatulence is the international language. Speak it with your anus. Hear it through your ears. Listen through your nose.”

“I like watching baseball as much as my grandma’s left ear is loud. (She’d probably give her right ear for a left ear that wasn’t soundproof).”