“We talked for four hours. Well, I talked for four, and she listened for two.
”

“My math is so fuzzy you should pet it. Four minus two isn’t two, because between two and four minus two is an infinite number of numbers.”

“I talk about talking like I listen to listening—in a room with mirrored walls that makes me appreciate the infinity that is God.”

“Put the number seven in front of a mirror and what do you have? If you answered 77, then perhaps you talk to yourself in the mirror, and wait for a response from your reflection. Seven standing in front of a mirror equals seven. Two plus two equals yes. Two minus two equals maybe. And yes minus maybe equals four.”

“My wife won’t talk to me, but that’s OK, because it’s not like I’d listen if she did.”

“I wouldn’t advise making a four-year commitment to eventually land an $8.00/hour job. Skip college. Read Wikipedia for free instead.”

“I told her I'd rather talk about her, instead of listening to her drone on about the weather. Little did I know she was an aspiring meteorologist.”