“We were engaged. Not to be married, but in combat. So same thing.”

“We were getting a divorce. But not from each other. Then we were going to get married. But not to each other.”

“At first I thought my wife and I were made for each other. It was as if we came out of the same factory. I think we were made in the USA, because things quickly began falling apart.”

“I want to meet and marry a girl with the same last name as me, so I can show how modern and feminist I am by taking on her last name after marriage.
”

“I know that man started animal husbandry thousands of years ago, and I think it’s disgusting. Men and animals should never be allowed to marry. Or have sex. And maybe not even engage in necking, unless it’s a man and a giraffe.”

“I’m a combat specialist and marriage counselor.”

“We were wearing diapers at the same time. We didn’t grow up together, however. I was in the crib, and she was playing cribbage in the nursing home.”