“Welcome to,to,to,to,to Stutterville! P,p,p,please have a seat on your own lap.”

“I am the dinosaur of love. Specifically, I am a pterodactyl, and you are my silent “p.” Stay quiet woman!”

“If you can be quiet, you’re more than welcome to stay in my House of Silence. Bring your own bubblegum ice cream. 
”

“A cat purring on your lap while you sip hot tea, is there anything better? Oh, and you’re floating in a zero gravity environment.”

“Last week I placed a hand-written sign in front of my neighborhood that read, “Lost Mustache. Please do not feed. If found, contact Mouth,” and I left my phone number. Nobody’s called. Perhaps the neighborhood cat lady took it in and is petting it on her lap at this very moment. Ah, but that’s life, no?
”

“I come bearing gifts in the form of junk food. You’re welcome. I would have brought some drugs, but I’m not a doctor.”

“I don’t mind waiting rooms. I’m waiting on the love of my life, so I may as well have a seat, right?”