“Were you aware that my sister looks like my brother? They both look nonexistent.”

“If I were an armadillo, and a stranger came up and said I looked familiar, and they wanted to know why I looked so familiar, I'd respond in a raspy voice, "Your brother ran over my brother.”

“At my ten-year high school reunion, I was voted best looking. Of course, there were two people in my high school, and while I wasn’t the best looking, my brother was two years younger and therefore not in my graduating class.”

“My eyes change color depending on my mood and what I’m wearing. If I’m wearing an acorn brown shirt, my eyes look like squirrel fur. And if I’m wearing no shirt at all, my eyes look more nude and flesh-colored. I guess my ex girlfriend, Zelda, said it best when her friend asked her what I look like and she said: “He looks like you’d imagine him to look like, if you had no imagination.”

“If you ask me to describe what I look like, I’ll simply say, “I look like my clone.”

“My dreams, they all look like the back of my eyelids.”

“Does my face not look hungry? My mouth is the path and mouthpiece to my stomach, so I’d believe what I’m telling you if I were inside your ears.”