“What do I do for fun? Well, I’d love to get into the bank robbing business, but government work is not for me.”

“If I knew what you’d do, exactly when you knew what you’d do, then I’d either be you or I’d be God. And we both know I’m not you.”

“I’d love to work with an Asian guy named Wu Hu, because just saying his name would get me all pumped up and excited.”

“The government is so efficient it often takes two people to do the work of one. Actually, more accurately, it takes twice the manpower to do half the work.”

“I’m a master of encouragement. Why should I do work myself when the price of getting others to do it for me is as cheap as cheering them on?”

“I own nothing, but at least nothing owns me. Well, besides the bank.”

“My wife told me she’d meet me at the mall, and I said, “Don’t be silly. We’ve already met. What, do you think I’d marry a stranger?”