“What do you call a schooner in a wine glass? Port.”

“You drink wine by the glass, and I drink wine by the trashcan. Seriously, I’ll be by the trashcan if you need me.”

“A brick could be used to crush grapes. If that sounds unnecessarily cruel, then I guess you wouldn’t like to pour you a glass of wine. It’s a shame, because I made it myself. 
”

“I want to start a company called “We Do.” My tagline will be: We at We Do do what we do so you don’t have to.”

“Things to do in an elevator: Install a glass display, like in a museum, over the floor buttons and have a sign affixed to the glass that reads, “Do Not Touch.”

“Question for your life: If Ted Kennedy made it to heaven, do you think he’s pleased with the fact that Jesus can turn water into wine?”

“Beer has that Olympic medal color,” Rot replied, “but does it have a winning taste? I’d hardly call silver a champion flavor. No, I’ll stick to my red wine.”