“What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two.”

“According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

“‎"What does it mean if you tried to get somewhere, and you didn't?" "Like what?" "Like if you were trying to get somewhere, but you couldn't find it? Does that mean something bad?" "No. It doesn't mean something bad. It just means you have a second chance to do it. And two chances is always better than just one.”

“You mean they killed her?" asked David.They ate her," said Brother Number One. "With porridge. That's what 'ran away and was never seen again' means in these parts. It means 'eaten.'"Um and what about 'happily ever after'?" asked David, a little uncertainly. "What does that mean?"Eaten quickly," said Brother Number One.”

“Pray tell us, what's your favorite number?"..."Shiva jumped up to the board, uninvited, and wrote 10,213,223"..."And pray, why would this number interest us?""It is the only number that describes itself when you read it, 'One zero, two ones, three twos, two threes'.”

“Normal is made up of two friends—Norm and Al. That’s twice the number of friends that I have, probably because I’m weirder than normal.”