“What I want more than a car that goes from Point A to Point B, is a car that stops. I make it a point to break for love. My horn is broke—and so am I, but I get paid Friday.”

“The easiest way to get from point A to point B is with a vehicle that runs on alphabet soup.”

“I traded in my car with no gas in the tank and my new car came with a full tank. So I at least profited there. That makes me appreciate my depreciation more.”

“My blender has a more powerful engine than my car, but my car doesn’t make smoothies as well. I drive a Toyota Starbucks Limited Edition.”

“I can’t get car parts at Lowes, the home improvement store? If I lived in my car, my car would be my home.”

“I want a one-bedroom house with cup holders. I want to live in my car, and make the road my home.”

“I wish my erection pointed inwards. But it doesn’t, it points directly at you.”