“When a guy at the urinal says to me, "If you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it," I like to look over at him, grab his ass, and say, "Shh. I'm about to cum.”

“Whenever I see a strange man at a urinal, I always approach him slowly and say, “Dad, is that you?”

“A brick could be used to liven up urinal chatter. Also, instead of just repeating “Yeah” while the guy peeing next to you is talking, try a more positive affirmation, like pinching his butt cheek. 
”

“If you ask me to describe what I look like, I’ll simply say, “I look like my clone.”

“When tragedy befalls me and someone says, "Better you than me," I always reply, "Yes, I am better than you.”

“Some people say I look like my mom, while others say I look more like my dad. I guess it all depends on what I’m wearing.”

“I said it unto him who isn’t, and he wisely said nothing. Sometimes saying nothing is saying more than enough.”