“When anybody asks me what time it is, I always say, “Yesterday, plus 24 hours.”

“I don’t believe in the zodiac. Whenever anybody asks me what my sign is, I always say “Yield.”

“I went down to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours. He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.”

“They say that when you find true love, you know within the first 24 hours. Well with Carol I knew within the first 24 minutes... of the second day that I met her.”

“There will always be 60 seconds in a minute. There will always be 60 minutes in an hour. And there will always be 24 hours n a day. Time was not fluctuating. It moved on at the same, constant pace at every moment in your life”

“I think we should change the amount of time in each day. Sunday thru Friday should be reduced from 24 hours down to ten minutes, and Saturday would become a 167-hour day. That way, when people ask me what I did all week I could truthfully respond, "I slept all week. But I got a hell of a lot done on Saturday.”