“When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing.”

“When anybody asks me what time it is, I always say, “Yesterday, plus 24 hours.”

“The state of North Carolina, Daisy, and John Wayne walked into a bar, and I shouted, “Duke!” and the bartender threw me out, because he was a Chapel Hill fan, and I was drunk.”

“A peaceful wave came over me, and I thought, Thank God I’m holding my breath.”

“People don’t blush when they’re embarrassed. White people blush when they’re embarrassed. Why so embarrassed, white people? Any skeletons in your closet? Oh yeah, that’s right—we’ve got more skeletons in our closet than anybody.”

“His face is so chiseled and angular that if he stood on the street corner and blushed, oncoming traffic would come to a complete stop.”

“Surfers catch waves, and so do people being told goodbye.”