“When I have to be in two places at once, my mind at once decides twice which one place to be in.”

“When I need to be in two places at once, make two decisions at once, that’s what clones are for.”

“My clone will have my mind, but I don’t mind. Two heads are better than one—especially when those two are one and the same.”

“I’m a competitor. I once placed fifth in a bottle of whiskey.”

“I don’t just have one mustache, I have two. You can hardly notice them, though, because I wear them in place of my eyebrows, which I shaved off and donated to charity. I’m just a generous, kind-hearted guy, I guess.”

“I once got 7th place in a swim meet. Being top 8 is an accomplishment, especially when you consider that including me, there were seven competitors.”

“Loyalty is for the dogs. Count me among the cats. And count me twice—once for each of my faces.”