“When I hear your name, I involuntarily clench my butt cheeks. Is that love? I don’t know—I’m not Nicholas Sparks.
”

“I clench your love in my butt cheeks, along with all my hard-earned cash.”

“I just wrote the book of love. Well, I coauthored it with Cupid and Nicholas Sparks.”

“I don’t know when I’m going to stop when I start—or start when I stop. That’s why I simply love continuously.”

“The closer I get, the faster I have to go. Otherwise, I might be late to the very place where I’m not even expected. Adding to my tardiness is the fact that I don’t even know where I’m going. And I can’t get from here to there when I don’t even know where I am, let alone where I’m going. All I know is I’m going fast, but not fast enough.”

“We were in love. When I say we, I don’t mean her and I. I mean me and my clone were in love with her. But she didn’t even know I existed, just as I didn’t know my clone existed. I still don’t know he exists.”

“I say yes, turn the other cheek, and let me slap your butt again. Forgiveness can be oh so naughty.”