“When I walk my dog, people always ask if we’re twins.”

“I’m always amazed that my twin has the same birthday as me, and that he doesn’t exist. I wonder if I exist?”

“When someone asks, Dogs or cats? I usually say, For what, dinner?”

“I once saw a politician walking a dog, and I thought, “How absurd—an animal walking an animal.” Then I thought, “If given the choice, I’d rather vote for the dog.”

“People always see me writing and ask me if they can read my writing. The answer is yes, after I publish it and they pay for it.”

“The atmosphere is always very grave when I walk into a cemetery.”

“People are like puzzles. Especially interconnected people, like Siamese twins.”