“When I was a little boy, I used to work in a sweatshop. We made deodorant.”

“A brick could be used as a deodorant deterrent. Just ask any stinky Congressman.”

“When I was a little boy, say 17 months old, I lived in the forest. I was raised by bears. We had a good time. We laughed a lot. At least I think we laughed a lot. I can’t really say, because I was too young to remember.”

“Your deodorant smells like my armpit. And yet I get no royalty from the manufacturer.”

“I have a list of pet names for Cap’n so long that it could fill a phone book (if the phone book is for a town with a population of four). I call him Cap’n Boy, Sweet Boyo, My Little Boy (done in a British accent), and when he is misbehaving, You Little Shit.”

“I just bought some long-lasting deodorant. You know, for the afterlife. Eternity is a long time to have stinky armpits.”

“I sure wish deodorant tasted like butter, because then I could keep mashed potatoes warm and tasty in my armpits all day long.”