“When I was in the second grade, I used to think love was the feeling a man gets while riding a motorcycle and having a woman embrace him tightly from behind. Maybe I’m cynical now, but I’m starting to think love is a unicycle with a flat tire.”

“Instead of a motorcycle gang, I’m thinking of starting up a unicycle gang. We’ll be hell on wheel. (My first recruit will be a woman named Helen Wiel.)”

“I’m tired of calling @PapaJohns. I wish they’d call me for once. I’m starting to think they don’t love me.”

“I hatethat moment when Aaron and I split – each time it happens, and ithappens a lot. He storms off, or I walk out on him and I have asplit second where I feel I’ve lost my grip, I’m falling off the edgeof the world, I’m yelling, “Help!” and no one hears me. I’m alone.But later, when you get a distance and you start to think it through,it feels like it might not be so bad.”

“I kind of love Colin Farrell again. I think it started with In Bruges. No, I’m lying. It started when I saw a clip of his sex tape where he’s manning the camera and instead of getting all Sex Tape-y, he goes, quite genuinely, “GOD, I’m a TERRIBLE cinematographer.”

“I think I’m going to fall in love with this man.”