“When I wear my confessional glove it’s super tempting to give myself a velvet handjob.”

“I once got a handjob from a glove. I miss the 80s.”

“If I shake your hand, and then jack off, it’s as if you gave me an indirect handjob.
”

“I’d never trust a surgeon who didn’t wear gloves when he operated. Even if those gloves he didn’t wear were boxing gloves. He might as well, because I know he’s going to beat me up over the price.”

“I’m not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are outfitted with flashlights.”

“I always wear gloves when I wash my hands. That’s also how I make love, and if you buy now I’ll throw in an extra bar of soap for FREE.”

“I’ve often wondered why boxing gloves are bright red. If I were a boxer, I’d wear camouflage colored boxing gloves so my opponent would never see my punches coming.”