“When I wear my wedding ring I think of her. I also think of my wife.”

“I need to get my wedding ring resized, because it still fits tight around my neck.”

“Some men want to go out with a bang. Personally, I'd rather not die from sex. I mean, what will my wife think when the police tell her?”

“Most people wear mind blindfolds. I think that’s stupid. I wear blindfolds over my eyes.”

“When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “You want me to wear a condom?!”

“My cup is empty. I don’t think I’m wearing it in the right spot.”

“I think I just inhaled a cloud. That’s what I get for not wearing a gas mask while riding my Pegasus.”