“When I'm in yoga class, and I'm in the Tree Pose, I always pretend I'm the Tree of Knowledge. To help further the fantasy I come to class with my yoga shorts stuffed with two apples.”

“I don't always change my clothes just because I'm leaving the house. I wear yoga pants 99 percent of the time, and I pretend that other people don't notice that I'm wearing my pajamas in public.”

“I'm not working-class: I come from the criminal classes.”

“There's something about yoga that makes it a spiritual experience, I'm realizing. It's opening me beyond myself. A good class seems like a dose of LSD--without the worry you'll find yourself jumping off a roof into a swimming pool.”

“I've never considered myself a yoga person; in fact I'm kinda disgusted by the whole yoga phenomenon - pampered white people getting in touch with their inner Indians.”

“Aren't you in my Science class?" Shayna/Shayla asks."English," I correct her.She shoots me a condescending look. "I did speak English," she says defensively. "I said, 'aren't you in my Science class?'"Oh, holy hell. Maybe I don't want to be that blonde. "No," I say. "I meant English as in 'I'm not in your Science class, I'm in your English class'.”