“When push comes to shove, I’m going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened.”

“I left the door open so you could come in—and I could go out. That’s what being in love is all about.”

“Doors open up for you when you work hard. Doors also open up for you when you walk with a limp and act gimpy.”

“When I’m competing to be on the bottom during sex, I always come out on top.”

“I’m so constipated that every time I go to shit, the only thing that comes out is political rhetoric.”

“When it comes to Schopenhauer, I think I need a To-Go box.”

“If you strip away my flowery language, you’ll figure out I’m really talking about bees.”