“When sex is Freon any occasion, it usually involves something dripping and toxic. At least that's what my mechanic tells me.”

“Some men want to go out with a bang. Personally, I'd rather not die from sex. I mean, what will my wife think when the police tell her?”

“A mechanical toothbrush is the greatest oral device in the history of the sex toy industry.”

“Me and my wife are happy. At least when we are not together.”

“I've never had cyber sex. My penis won't fit in the USB port. . . at least not without lots of lubrication.”

“You don’t have to tell me why, if you tell me why you won’t tell me why. Or at the very least tell me why you won’t tell me why you won’t tell me why.”

“My name is Meow. At least that’s what my cat calls me. But you can call me after nine.”