“When thinking about yesterday, contrasted with today, I can’t help but observe that today by definition means I’m one day closer to death. I just hope that one day isn’t tomorrow.”

“I’m here today because of my decisions yesterday. So I can change my tomorrow today, but I can’t change my today today. This makes the me of yesterday offensive to the me of today.”

“Today I am doing better than yesterday, and tomorrow I hope to be doing better than I am today. And two days from now? Well, that’s a Monday, so I’ll be feeling shitty.”

“I’ll be 30 in March, and it feels just like yesterday that I thought tomorrow will soon be today.”

“She called and said she had to cancel tomorrow. “Cancel tomorrow!” I shrieked. “Does that make today the last day, or at midnight tonight will the world just skip over to the day after tomorrow? But wouldn’t that still make it tomorrow?”

“I am prophetic. I predicted it would snow tomorrow yesterday, and sure enough today it snowed. True, I’ve been saying it will snow tomorrow every day since June, but as you can see, my fortune telling prowess is improving.”

“I’m older today than yesterday, and therefore I must be more mature.”