“When tragedy befalls me and someone says, "Better you than me," I always reply, "Yes, I am better than you.”

“When someone tells me they don’t read, I like to walk up to them and stroke their hair, pet it really, because you know who also doesn’t read? My cat. In essence, these people are pitiful, and no better than pets.”

“Today I am doing better than yesterday, and tomorrow I hope to be doing better than I am today. And two days from now? Well, that’s a Monday, so I’ll be feeling shitty.”

“I ate a Danish. Better than eating someone from Finland.”

“I am the alligator of love. But I’d make better boots than a lover.”

“Know yourself better than your opponent knows you, know your opponent better than he knows himself, know yourself better than you know your opponent, and know you have all this knowledge and you will be victorious. That’s the advice I’ll give my clone before I defeat him in battle.”

“Yes, life could be better. But it could also be worse. Don’t believe me? Allow me introduce you to my mother-in-law.”