“When you buy a gun, every problem starts to look like a nail.”

“When you carry a gun, everything starts looking like a sword. If you pass the butter too quickly, I’m likely to shoot you. But even if you attack me, we can still be lovers.”

“I’m a nail biter. Not when I’m nervous, but when I misplace my hammer.”

“My clones will look like me, and therefore I’ll treat them like myself—starting with spending all their hard-earned money. You can’t love someone else if you can’t first love yourself.”

“I rented a dress, but not an address. That I had to buy, though it made my ass look like two sacks of lumpy cream cheese. Who wants a bagel?”

“I would tell you I hope you find what you seek in life, but your problem is you’re not looking. The only looking you do is good looking. But really, you’re not that handsome.”

“The best part about a superhero’s cape is it doubles as a blanket when your nemesis uses his freeze gun on you.”