“Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.”

“I drink sleep, but not like I drink coffee. I chug one and sip the other.”

“There is one woman I’ve dated I just can’t seem to forget, no matter how much I drink or how many concussions I give myself.”

“I want to laugh hysterically into a bucket of water, have my humor imprinted on each water molecule and then drink the funniest drink ever.”

“I want to meet a woman named Sherry who only drinks brandy, and a woman named Brandy who only drinks sherry. Then I’ll offer each one of them one magical night of sex with me, in the form of two of my clones.”

“Whenever I see a gorgeous woman, I think, Who is that tall drink of water, and how come I’m suddenly thirsty?”

“I think coffee is the best drink known to man. I also think that wine is the best drink known to woman.”