“Whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican, I think everybody can agree that politicians are crooks. But I don’t think politicians are thieves, because you can’t steal what you’ve been given. Once we stop giving in, they’ll stop taking.
”

“I don’t think he’s dumber than a politician. But only because it’s not possible to be dumber than a politician.”

“The important issues, once you’ve taken them on, you can’t take them off. What do you think they are, panties?”

“It’s not true I think all politicians are morons. Morons are far too intelligent to be politicians.”

“If a man’s a constant hand-shaker, he must be a politician or a crook—or both, if he is a politician.”

“To stop a battle, a politician would propose a war.”

“Newt Gingrich, buddy, the people of the United States don’t like you. And the only reason the rest of the world doesn’t despise you is because they don’t know you. Thankfully you won’t have to experience that global derision, as you have reached the pinnacle of your career as a crook—I mean politician.”