“Why watch reality TV when I can just open my blinds and look out my window to all the reality I can handle?”

“I watch baseball on TV like my cat watches the window. Somebody open the blinds so we can see better!”

“A window—it’s more entertaining than TV. Just ask a cat looking out, or a man looking in on a life he desires.”

“I don’t just watch TV all day long. I also listen.”

“I just realized my reality, and I’d like to say No Thanks. I’m going back to sleep.”

“My ears are as blind as my eyes are deaf. But my nose, it can see the truth, except when I block its line of site with my index fingers.”

“The way the crotch of my jeans are constructed makes it look like I have an erection when I don’t. That’s why I wear Spandex—so the whole world can see exactly when I’m stiff.”