“With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress.”

“The house I grew up in is one of a kind. It’s a bibliophile’s fantasy, and if the Library of Congress had a little brother who was a midget, you could find him residing in my parents’ house.”

“Insider trading is a serious crime. Do you know what the penalty for doing it is? Nothing, if you’re a member of Congress.
”

“The book “Little Women,” what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets.”

“Before you enter politics, I pray you lose your anal virginity to a unicorn.”

“Like a midget, I walk tall and proud.”

“A brick could be used to represent my hero. My hero obviously doesn’t look like a brick, but since he is my hero I decided to represent him as more handsome and interesting than he really is. Who’s my hero? Any member of Congress.”