“With issues regarding nipples, I always try to stay abreast of the subject.”

“I’ll tug at your breasts like a thirsty child. Try not to burn your nipples in my hot coffee. While you’re at it, I also like sugar in my coffee.”

“Yesterday I complained of chest pains. My cat scratched my nipples.”

“I’d rather be me being me than me trying to be my own clone. I try to stay true to who I am as a person, not a genetically modified being.”

“Pepperoni looks so much like nipples that I can’t eat pizza without getting horny.”

“Everyone owns a piece of democracy. Actually, I own two pieces, and each one has a nipple.”

“Both sexes have assholes, and both sexes have nipples. Yet only asshole is a genderless derogatory term. In the name of equality and linguistic diversity, I’m going to start using the word nipple as a synonym for asshole. Example: “Bra, you’re being an asshole.” “Nah, bra, you’re being the nipple.”