“With the money I spend on alcohol, I could support a family of four, assuming they are all heavy drinkers.”

“Employment: I’ll trade my time and labor for your money. So time is not money, because money is time plus labor. I spend my time saving money, I spend my money saving time, and I labor hard to not labor hard.”

“Kill all the prisoners, because they’re costing us too much money. Wait! No, kill all the politicians, because they’re spending too much money.”

“I wish art was like money in that the more I made, the more interest it developed and plentiful it became. Money makes money, and if art made art, there’s no prison in this country that could hold my creations.”

“She’s the kind of woman I could see myself spending the rest of my life with—after I turn 99.”

“I could save money if I ate my coworker’s pussy for lunch, rather than going to a restaurant.”

“All I need is your love. And money.”