“Women are called the fairer sex. Are they just not as tan, or are they actually more reasonable?”

“Women won’t sleep with me for the same reason that I don’t pay for sex—I don’t have any money. And if I did have money, I wouldn’t pay for sex, because women would sleep with me for free.”

“My friend had sex with half of all the women in the city. I think he had sex with the lower half of all the women.”

“Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic.”

“The only reason I don’t know more about love is because there just isn’t more to know. In fact, I’ve reduced love to a mathematical formula: Hdgk(X)=H2k(X,Q)∩Hk,k(X). Actually, that’s not right. That’s the statement piece of the Hodge conjecture, but I’m sure you already knew that.
”

“He has one of the worst personalities. Actually, you can’t call it a personality, since he acts more like an animal than a person.”

“It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.”