“Women love to talk. I'll bet Van Gogh had a woman. And I'll bet she talked his ear off.”

“If I could go back in time, I'd love to whisper sweet nothings in Van Gogh's ear, but not while it was attached to his head.”

“It’s very hard to whisper in your own ear. Love is an art, but as an artist, I guess I’m no Van Gogh.”

“While I've never read Scientific American, I'll bet it is pretty scientific. And American. Just like those prehistoric cave drawings in the south of France.”

“If I hung out with Van Gogh, I don’t know what we’d do. We’d just play it by ear, I guess.”

“I am possibly the world's greatest magician, because I don't just vanish off stage, I vanish from your memory. I'll bet you're probably thinking, "I don't remember seeing you," or "I've never seen you." And that just goes to show you how good I am.”

“I’ve wrestled an alligator before. It wasn’t alive, but I still pinned it down. I was trying to impress a woman, and I bet I did, because she went home with another man—but she was smiling, probably wishing he were me.”