“Would a suit of armor make women feel as invincible as a sexy pair of shoes?”

“I look at a woman’s shoes, not to tell how sexy she is, but to determine how sexy she feels.”

“Good art is like a sexy pair of lips—it has the potential to say so much, but prefers to have you do all the talking about it. Also, good art is fun to kiss and make out with (especially statues and portraits).”

“I got a small package in the mail today, and I thought it was the midget stripper I bought off eBay. But it was just a pair of shoes I ordered. Didn’t matter, I still made them dance for me.”

“If you don’t know how to love, then any old robot or mechanical device would best suit your relationship style. In this situation, vacuum cleaners might make the best lovers.”

“Sometimes it feels like I’m walking around with bricks for shoes, not going anywhere.”

“I use blankets like armor for cold.
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