“Writing all day every day is good, but it’s not good enough. You need to have your clone ghostwriting for you too.”

“Night—it’s the only thing that will cover up one of my black moods. Good thing my depression isn’t an every day kind of thing. It’s an after day thing.”

“Ah, the good ol’ days. I remember those days. That was before your time. It was before my time too, because I didn’t have a watch, and I hadn’t been born yet.”

“Clones: Why should you take the blame for your mistakes when there’s a genetic replica of yourself that’d make a perfectly good scapegoat?”

“This book has nothing to do with cats. Or mice. Or self-motivation. This book is 100% 50% finished. But don’t worry, I finished the good half. But don’t be mistaken—the good half isn’t good at all. In fact, it’s remarkably terrible. It’s only good in relation to the half I didn’t get around to writing. After all, the worst writing is the writing that couldn’t be bothered to be written down.”

“I may give up on life one day, but that doesn’t mean my clones will just roll over and die. There are just too many people who need my help, people willing to pay for my services.”

“If you had a clone, and you weren’t wearing perfume and your clone was, I’d automatically think your clone was more attractive.”