“Writing is hard, but I don’t want to kill myself trying to write. Not unless I’m writing a suicide note.”

“Writer’s want to write something that’ll live forever. I don’t. What do I care if my writing lives forever if I won’t? I just want to be recognized while I’m still alive. 
”

“I don’t think anybody’s ever written a song called, “There’s urine on the couch, and the remote control is in the shower.” I would write it myself, but I’ve never been very good at writing love ballads.”

“I write down my dreams. I use the excuse “I’m writing” to sleep all the time.”

“My new book is going well. It’s practically writing itself! Actually, what I mean is I’m not writing it, my clone is.”

“Hemingway suggested you write the truest sentence you know. I say write the falsest one you don’t know. This is fiction.”

“My advice is to write in the nude. Unless you do your writing in a public restroom, and in that case, I’d recommend wearing flip flops.”