“You can call me Dr. Love. I’ve got a PhD from Cupid University. My degree came with a side order of fries and a large Dr. Pepper.”

“The university awarded me my degree, but can something that’s basically worthless be properly called an award?”

“Burn my eyebrows and call me Bette. But if I’ve got eyebrows, don’t call me Bette—call me Davis. Then let’s make love like The Bad Sister.”

“I’ve got a way with love. Away with love.”

“Love is like a door knob that I’ve mistaken for a shower handle, and I’m trying to turn up the heat on our relationship, but the handle won’t turn and I’ve got shampoo in my eyes and my wetsuit is dry and I started crying just as the zookeeper asked me to leave.”

“I didn’t do a 180-degree turn on my thinking. I simply swiveled my chair around so I could dismiss the idea from the other side.”

“I can taste one sugar crystal, just like I can feel one Cupid (the metric unit of measurement for love).”