“You can’t believe every word you read while watching TV. (Even with closed captioning turned off).”

“I think a funny picture would have a caption that read, “Believe in yourself,” with an accompanying image of a wilting flower.”

“My advice is to write during commercial breaks, and read while your favorite TV show is on mute.”

“I can’t believe you think that I can’t believe you don’t think that.”

“I once watched several criminals engage in an organized argument, while an audience of supporters cheered them on, but I was so disgusted that I had to turn off the political debate.”

“For me, TV and broke go together. Not as in, The TV is broken, but more of noticing that most people who watch too much TV are broke.”

“You can’t be the best all the time. But that’s what clones are for—to be you while you sleep.”