“You don’t have to visit an asylum to see insanity. All you have to do is visit Washington DC.”

“I once saw a snake having sex with a vulture, and I thought, It’s just business as usual in Washington DC.”

“There’s a relentless wave of WTF coming out of Washington DC.”

“I wonder if rooms in an insane asylum have Do Not Disturb signs for the doors. I should hope not, because knock or no knock, every occupant in those rooms is already disturbed.”

“I wish somebody would combine tasers and dildos, and test the devices out on all the politicians in Washington DC. Well, all the politicians except Barney Frank, who’d actually derive pleasure from the experiment.”

“A brick could be used to send Satan back from whence he came. But where did he come from? Probably Washington DC.
”

“I don’t have to tell you, “I don’t have to tell you” before telling you something I don’t have to tell you. I also don't have to tell you I love you, but I do.”