“You drink wine by the glass, and I drink wine by the trashcan. Seriously, I’ll be by the trashcan if you need me.”

“Sure, I’ll take your pamphlet. I need to fill up my trashcan anyway.”

“I think coffee is the best drink known to man. I also think that wine is the best drink known to woman.”

“What do you call a schooner in a wine glass? Port.”

“I’ll piss in a cup for you. You can run a drug test on it, or you can drink it.”

“If you drink, you risk divulging your secrets. Here, have another glass.”

“A brick could be used to crush grapes. If that sounds unnecessarily cruel, then I guess you wouldn’t like to pour you a glass of wine. It’s a shame, because I made it myself. 
”