“You have to slow down with this woman, because the moment she slows down and stops, she’ll die. She’s like a shark.” That’s what I told Renaldo, but how was I to know his girlfriend was literally a shark?”

“In my dream I was a seal, and I made love to a seagull. Then I got eaten by a shark, because that’s just the way life is. Some fish gets jealous over a bird, and decides to chomp down on his competition. It happens all the time in the real world.”

“Renaldina told Renaldo and Renaldo told me, so that’s two points for possible miscommunication, especially when you consider that she’s deaf and he’s blind, so it went through two language variations and two incompatible methods of travel, like mule to submarine.”

“I just broke up with my girlfriend. My wife will be pleased. But first she’ll be displeased, because she didn’t know I had a girlfriend.”

“I wonder if Seal got his name because it looks like his face was mauled by a Great White shark?”

“I made plans for 8:00. When my girlfriend told me she was late, I told her, “That’s funny, because my sperm was absent.”

“After they broke up, Renaldo's ex girlfriend said to never again date an older woman. And he wisely listened to her, because his mother only had his best interest in mind.”