“You know what I like most about people? Pets.
”

“Most people like winners, but I prefer underdogs. They’re more fun to pet.”

“When someone tells me they don’t read, I like to walk up to them and stroke their hair, pet it really, because you know who also doesn’t read? My cat. In essence, these people are pitiful, and no better than pets.”

“What I like most about reading is I can read in minutes what it took the author hours to write. What I like most about writing is readers can read in minutes what it took me seconds to write.”

“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.
”

“My dad taught me everything I know about being a man, and most of what I know about being a woman. The rest I had to learn from textbooks.”

“My cat stood still like a furry statue. I wanted to go pet it, but I ended up petting a painting instead. Ah, but that’s life, no?”