“You should shoot. I should shoo.”

“A brick should decide who gets to rule the people, and I should decide what rules determine whom the brick favors.”

“People should be heard, and music should be listened to.”

“Love should be unconditional, while hair should be conditioned. Air should also be conditioned, and worn in place of hairnets.”

“Women are like convertibles: They should be topless. Also, they should stay in the garage. I mean kitchen. No, I mean bedroom. Damnit, I guess they can roam freely about the house.”

“Suicide pact: I’ll shoot you, and then you’ll shoot me.”

“For being so ugly, I think God should reward me handsomely. He should give me the tender hands of a lover—and not those of a self-lover.”