“You’ll know the economy is dead when industry stops and escalators turn into stairs. That’ll be the day slinkies take over the world.”

“Escalators are the offspring of elevators and stairs. Love is the progeny of passion and admiration.”

“The escalator doesn’t work, and you’d think they’d still be used as stairs, but in this economic depression, even the stairs are unemployed.”

“If you’re tired of taking one step forward and two steps back, just turn around. That way you’ll be going forward in reverse.
”

“A brick could be used as a doorstop. But that’s obvious. What isn’t obvious is why somebody would want to stop a door, since doors represent openness. What is that person hiding behind that door that they want to stop people from opening it up? I don’t know, but it’s got to be diabolical, and if anything is to be stopped, it’s not the door—it’s the evil plan by the Door Master to take over the world.
”

“I plan on leaving my mark on this world, in ink, with a pen spill that’ll make all the oil spills combined look like literature.”

“For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be.”